okays .
so now you have the whole world at your feet .
waiting for your next command .
every little thing you do hurts their poor frail heart .
then they'll come pleading to me to ask me to take care of you .
you have like , practically the whole world to care for you .
then what about me ?
i care for you , you dont even care a heck about me .
you all dont even bother to know if i'm alive or nots .
thanks alot .

i found out , although some peeps are in diff sec sch from you ,
they can be still as sweet as ever !
like apryl .
i knew her for like , 6 years !
this is the 7th year .
but not really counted .
cuz we didnt contact from p3-p4 .
yesterday she sms-ed me .
she said , ' count down . 3 days to your birthday. =))'
SO SWEET RIGHTS ?
i thought she didnt remember me anymores .
well , i dont think she can .
we went out so many times ,
bullied the same girl when we were in p1 an p2 .
always going with each other then .
same tuition when p5 and p6 .
same class when p5 .
she's like , the 1st person who wished me happy birthday .
so sweet you know ?
okays , iloveher .
=))
erms .
okays .
so today ,
band practise .
i told the sir , saying , ' sir .. my leg "pain" . can i dont play ?'
cuz whole day drills .
then at the end got captains ball .
i hate all ball games .
><
didnt play the instrument !
YAYS .
i was simply overjoyed .
then i went to sunplaza with my mom and sis .
so its like ,
we went to the "new" kopitiam .
then hors ,
to me larhhs ,
it was simply .
HIDEOUS .
lols !
okays .
then i went to my grandmother's house .
ate my birthday cake !
=DD
from awfully chocolate ~
yums .
then got a super cute present , bermudas , a card and MONEY .
=DD
lols .
i wish my this year birthday would be a happy one .
quite a number of peeps forgot .
that was kinda sad .
like , i thought they would TRY to remember .
then when they forgot , its abit disappointing .
><
OKAYS .
the heart shape on my hand didnt work very well !
but at least there's a scar .
=DDDD
okays , today was happy .
quite .
JUST THAT BAND WAS SO TIRING .
I SWEAT-ED BUCKETS !
if cleanse it , remove the salt content , surely can fill a whole family in africa for a year !
okays , i'm just being 'kua zhang' .
nothing to say .
hate homework .
><

okays .
i got pissed cuz of something i read in friendster .
so there .
i finished most of my homework .
left maths & english .
now left like , 8 hours and 15 mins to band .
AROUND THERE .
not accurate de .
hmms .
so , gudnyts .
=DD

i cant believe you all .
i hate all you freaks .
FREAKS OF NATURE .
THE WHOLE BUNCH OF YOU .
arghs .
you all just suck you know ?
you all think the whole world revolves around you .
you dont care about how others feel .
only yourselves , yourselves and yourselves !
try putting yourselves in my shoes for once larhhs !
bleahs .
okays .
i got pissed at seeing something and now i've cooled now .
good .
everyone in msn in saying something about .
dont accept whoever who sends you the file 'photoalbum'
cuz its a virus .
matthew sent it to me twice !
i declined .
=))
well .
thats all for now .

just now went to fetch my sis .
yupps .
no doubt alot of AUNTIES stared at me .
i was the youngest "fetcher" .
then i messaged ms george , to see if she was still in school .
she like , so cold to me .
><
yeah , so now left me and my sis in the house .
bleahs .
ANYWAYS .
I CUT THE HEART SHAPE ON MY HAND .
didnt really work that well .
><

liars .
just liars .

this world is so unfair !
my poor friend has to suffer for a bitch !
bleahs .
><
i shant mention names .
=))
today was quite okk larhhs .
boring .
slept most of the time .
YAWNS .
i'm still tired .
yeah , thats me .
pig .
oinks .
=DDDDD

SINGAPORE IS HOT HOT HOT .
i sweated the whole day .
boy , dont i just stink !
><
its like ,
x went to school , sweat .
x went for pe , sweat .
x went into classroom , sweat .
x went for recess , sweat .
x went back to class , sweat .
x sit thru lessons , sweat .
x went home , sweat .
bleahs .
could have filled bottles with all the sweat !
anyways .
there's this guy sitting in front of me ,
and he recomended pads for me and my friends .
he's joking larhhs .
dont worry .
anyways , today was quite okk .
except for the stupid weather .
hmmms .
i guess i have nothing more to write .
=DD

i realised i've been eating VERY unhealthily this few days .
like on sunday , 25th march ,
i ate brunch (breakfast&lunch)
and a stingray with ALOT of chili for dinner .
then yesterday .
had popcorn chicken and fries for lunch .
had fries for dinner .
today , instant noodles for lunch ,
and stingray with alot alot alot of chili for dinner .
having loss of appitite .
but hors .
for today , i drank 3 glasses - 2 glass of lime juice and 1 glass of ice lemon tea .
cuz the stingray DAMNED spicy .
but it was goooood .
=DD
yumyum .
so full now .
*burps*
excuseee me .
=DDDDDD

i just hope she wont be angry , furious or mad at me .
i hope she understands .
haiis .
i'm sorry .
really sorry .

i cried in school today .
and fought with joan .
><
yeah , i dont know whats happening to me .
dont know how to approach a dumb counsellor .
abigail suggested ways to approach him/her .
idontknowidontknow .
joan said something that touched me deeply today .
she said something about ,
not meeting jeremy cuz of me .
awwwws .
she say she'll feel guilty cuz i will say she ditch me .
><
i'm so touched you know ?
iloveher .
=))
but i'm jealous of her lovers .
=P

icantakeitanymores .
i'm going to cry .
nvms .
i do my work .
clam my mouth shut .
and concentrate fully on the stupid homework .
-force the tears back in-
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
good .
i've calmed down , abit .
and i've shutted my mouth .
my responses to daily life are now , 'mmm .' , 'ahhh .' , 'orhhs .'
dont feel like talking anymores .
having such a fucked up life .
8 years of torture inside me .
i'm just so tired you know ?
=

i'm going mad .
yupps , really .
i'm maddening .
i'm having terrible moodswings .
i'm very mean and horrible .
i'm bad .
i'm in despo need for a counsellor .
someone voluteer youself .
i'm helpless .
no one wanna help me .
i'm all alone in this world .
i've fallen and i dont know how to pick myself up .
i just wanna cry but i know i cant .
i wanna scream out loud but i know i cant .
i tried to perk myself up .
all the jokes , all the laughter .
all were forced .
i dont know whats happening to me .
i'm like , killing myself away , bit by bit .
i'm tired of smiling and laughing just for peeps to see .
none of them understands me at all .
in school , i just want someone to lend me their shoulder to have a good cry on .
i'm just so fucked up you know ?
the feeling like having a thousand and one things inside you .
wanna burst out , but cant , just cant .
no one allows you to .
if you do , everyone hates you .
thats how i'm feeling now .
its terrible .
i'm not telling anybody about this .
i dont want them to know .
later they wont be my friends anymores .
like p3 .

today i went to watch 'MR BEAN'S HOLIDAY'
its funny .
i recommend you all to watch .
although the ending aint really THAT good .
lols .
now printing the dance thing .
><
tomorrow got school lehhs .
know how RELUCTANT i am going to school now .
bleahs .
anyways .
i realised ALL guys are despo for sex .
like , i had my fair share of experiences .
i dont think i'll forgive that guy .
although he kept apologising .
whats the use of saying sorry now ?
its like , you've already left a scar in peeps hearts boy .
whatever you do wont remove even the slightest of it .
a scar means a scar .
you cant remove it unless you remove the whole heart .
there you go .
i've said it .
if you think i'm mean , then fuck off from this blog .
i'm mean .
but i can be friendly .
IF I WANT TO .

wasnt in a very good mood today .
in the morning , only slept 6 hours .
went to band .
do drills and talked about formations .
went home .
bathed .
went out for lunch .
went to watch 'just follow law' .
went to four different places to have dinner .
all full .
last one , found a place .
ate bbq stingray .
that time alreadys 8.45pm+ .
went home .
bathed .
do homework .
and here i am .
i hate my life .
i'm attached but i'm not happy .
i hate my sister for being so golden mouth-ed .
i hate it when peeps dont appreciate me .
like , you know she cried cuz she posted it .
then me lehhs ?
i worried for you .
i cried for you .
i freaked out for you .
i lost appitite for you .
in the end ,
what did i get ?
nothing .
i dont expect for anything .
but at least some appreciation larhhs .
i realised not many peeps read my blog .
yeah .
you will know more about me from blog then in real life .
sometimes i dont know whats happening to me and my life .
can some kind person , hold my hand and lead the way for me ?
i'm like , lost .
in my own world .
i need someone to guide me out .
i dont trust counsellors .
some kind person out there .
i'll be waiting for you .

i wanna thank ,
ms george ,
amanda ,
justin .
and some other peeps .
who comforted and counselled me when i was so freaking out just now .
special thanks to amanda and ms george .
ilovethem .
anyways .
i did finish my compo alreadys .
its homework larhhs .
then can choose topic .
1 . a race against time
2. a story which begins with , 'its just not my day !'
so i wrote num 2 .
and i wrote and wrote .
in the end ,
i ended up with 5 1/2 pages with 1216 words .
its scary you know ?
i've never in my life write that much before .
surely fail de larhhs .
write so much rubbish .
=.=
wish me luck then .
dont really feel like going band later .
i'm tired .
i'm lazy .
i found out rights ,
when i sleep later and wake up early ,
like sleep at 1plus , wake up at 7.15 .
i'll feel much fresher then i sleep at 11 and wake up at 7.15 .
weird ehhs ?
i know .
hmmms .
><
kana fucked up today .
was super tense and full of vulgarities .
ms george said a sentence which made me cry loads .
she said , 'please promise me u wont mutilate. tat's honestly nt cool. i see u as a fren. frens r there 4 each other in times of trouble. dn overlook me.'
aint she just the sweetest thing ?
awwws .
and for amanda ,
we talked too much .
LOLS .
as in , we talked about so much until i'm lazy to post it here .
dont be mad at me , amanda .
><
i just love them so much you know ?
they always there for me .
ALWAYS .
=))
thanks alot guys .
i feel much better now .

i have alot of questions in my mind today .
x what are relationships for ?
- are they for sex ?
- why is there such a thing as love ?
- is there really such a thing as love ?
- if two peeps cant tahan each other , what do they do ?
- what if the other person dont want to let you go ?
- what if you cant let the person go ?
for me , my answer is i dont know .
i cant sleep a night w/o worrying whether he's dead or not .
x what are friends for ?
- for fun and laughter only ?
- for sharing secrets ?
- to lend you a shoulder to cry on ?
- to comfort you when you are depressed ?
- to mutilate themselves ?
- to let you hurt yourself ?
- make you cry ?
- make you happy 24/7
- make them happy by being a clown ?
for me , my answer is .
for some friends i may be those type of happy 24/7 peeps .
for some who knows me better , i'm not .
i'm a perfectly normal person with moodswings .
i can be sad , i can be happy .
but today .
it was really too much .
i faked-smiled and faked-joked the whole day .
i saw mr tan and i know my face changed .
i wasnt even happy you know ?
i wanted to say it out ,
but peeps may just think that i'm still whining over yesterday .
i'm not .
its just that , i'm very dependant on her .
then now , just some words , and she's gone .
off to the other side of the classroom .
where we cant even talk !
know how depressed i am ?
i almost always copy her work de .
but now , for chinese , my WORSE subject ,
the person beside me is kai xin , cuz i move in front .
then its like ,
she sometimes also dont know , then i also dont know .
then lay lin is like 2 tables away .
then how i ask ?
crystal forever flirting with ming cheng ,
hui jun is HMT de .
the rest are just too far .
han fei also HMT and she was very tired .
><
see what a pathetic state i am in now ?!?
bleahs .
totally suck-ed rights ?
then my mom go and call mr tan .
she told him i was VERY reluctant to go to school since yesterday .
she told him usually i was looking forward to go to school .
now , SHITSHITSHIT .
lols .
jks .
she didnt say shitshitshit .
i'm just pissed with him .
then hors ,
during science lesson ,
me , kai xin and hui jun drew a picture of him .
then diyana go and tear it up .
bleahs .
its so cute you know ?
and she just tore it up like that .
i wrote ALOT about him in my science textbook .
tomorrow i'll put a photo of it here .
=DD
i think thats the only happy thing i've done today .

today , ALOT of things happened .
its like , in the morning , we were at the quadrangle .
singing national anthem all this .
then hors .
we sit down
waiting for announcements .
then left 5 mins to PE .
then joan was like , 'how i wish it would rain in 5 minutes ..'
then hors .
IT DID !
it rained , heavily .
but we still ran .
canteen hall canteen hall .
=.=
then hors .
i need to do alot of pushups .
for various reasons .
then i complained .
then the PE teacher told us a story .
like implying i'm bad larhhs .
then i was like , sad .
cuz its like , everyone in the school hates me .
then hors .
during mothertongue .
we doing work .
halfway through , the teacher come and talk to me and joan .
then hors , he said he saw us at junction 8 last monday .
then he say he saw me didnt tuck in shirt .
=.=
then hors .
maths lesson .
mr tan changed our places !
now i sit with han fei .
joan sit at the other end of the class , with angela .
then its like , he changed a whole lot of peeps place .
and you know what i did ?
i cried .
LOLS .
i'm so dependant on joan larhhs .
i copy work from her everytime i aint paying attention (which is like , everytime)
then hors .
we hardly talk in class larhhs .
why must he change our seats ?
then for abigail they all didnt change .
NOT FAIR SIA .
HE BIASED !!
shithimshithimshithim .
if i can , i'll skip school .
hmpts .
tomorrow i'm going to lodge a complaint .
the stupid penknife hors .
i go popular and see today .
$3.50 sia !
and i only had $3 .
=.=
nvms .
tomorrow i go and buy .

YOU , YES YOU .
the world doesnt revolve around you you know ?
we dont have to obey your every command .
you know what we feel like doing ?
you're a bitch .
so we're going to throw a bone all the away to the northpole to let you freeze there .
or into the ocean to be eaten up by a whale or shark or anything else .
you dont rule us okay .
you've changed .
you begun to hang out with peeps that DONT LIKE you .
instead of hanging out with the peeps that LIKED you .
i'm emphasizing on the LIKED .
they used to like you , but after seeing your true colours ,
no way man .
we all hate your guts .
you egotistical brat .
you ignorant arrongant egotistically idiotic brat .
you dont even BOTHER to care about how we feel .
so we hate you .
you hurt us again and again .
with your bloody remarks .
and yes , we forgave you , cuz we PITIED YOU .
now , you went too overboard .
and do you know it hurts when you hit peeps ?
it HURTS .
do you know that your hand is like so hard .
and you use it to hit peeps .
you think we will like it is it ?
let us try it on you larhhs .
see whether you like anots .
1234567 larhhs you .
if you want to know what that means ,
ask me .
weallhateyou .

erms . peeps who read this and dont know me .
yesyesyes .
i can be very mean at times .
but , i'm friendly .
=DD
dont worry .
i wont eat you up or anything .
just dont piss me will do .
=))

kkays .
i need to think what happened today .

x history teacher changed .
x hated a fella . (want to ask then ask in msn , no asking in tagboard please)
x saw a fella cry .
x comforted a fella .
x didnt feel like talking .
x hated IPW .
x felt very mean today .
x ming yong told me not to go with that guy(jiwei) anymores .
x angela and i were talking about . something .
x told angela about how that idiot treated me . (that idiot is in deyi sec 1/8 , the one that i hate)
x no homework .
x talked to abigail seriously . (for the 1st time this month)
x in assembly , saw the 'without warning' show , although sec 1 have alreadys seen it .
x ate instant noodles .
x was worried if next year i would be in different class with all my friends .
x called joan and asked her what would happen if we both in different classes .
x she told me wont de .
x angela aint replying me in msn .
x i'm very full .
x didnt contact rina this whole day .
x felt very tired today .
x reached mrt at 6.15 . reached school at 6.30 .
x did the history project (some idiot just HAD to comment on it , blabber mouth)
x had the biggest piece of chart which other groups dont have .
x had pins and needles . ALOT OF TIMES .
x stupid school song . everyone doesnt sing it , only the part where it goes , 'DEYI OUR DEAR DEYI' then everyone sings . and its funny .
x discovered how white my shoe was .
x slept during the boring science lesson .
x managed to be awake throughout history ! (for the 1st time this year)
x i'm full and sleepy , what am i ? PIG .
lalalas .
guess thats all that happened today .
I THINK .
ohh yeahs .
and i'm going to ignore him .
he didnt message me last night .
and i doubt tonight he will .
i think he got the message .
i hope .
anyways .
shant talk about the sad things .
i'm determined to make this post a long long long one .
yeahs , i stopped my crying fits .
i stopped biting myself .
i wont be steading for quite some time .
have this dumb phobia over guys .
its like , after this one bad bad bad experience that left me crying for days ,
i feel like , all guys are suicide freaks .
am i emo ?
some peeps got say me emo before .
while some say i'm not .
am i or am i not ?
O.o
erms erms erms .
no homework today .
bleahs .
finally .
i can like , rest .
very tired today .
havent really slept that well for the past few days .
having eyebags soon .
><
i just hate IPW okay ?
it just sucks .
other peeps have peeps that they like in their groups .
why is it that i dont like my whole group ? except han fei .
i dont like crystal , ming cheng and derrick .
they just suck .
IPW sucks too .
need to water the stupid plants .
one time in the morning , the other at after school .
bleahs .
i go spit saliva there arhhs .
zzz .
also water whats .
jks .
i'm assigned to monday and tuesday .
erms .
is i choose de larhhs .
so monday i water it with crystal .
tuesday i water it with han fei .
wanna know something ?
i'm boredd .
and i still hate that idiot that keep opening her big mouth to spout non-sense today .
she made jacinta cry somemore .
i mean like , jacinta is okk mahhs .
she is not as bad as you all think .
that blabber mouth is worse .
she like sucks okk ?
i cant forget the time she slammed the door on me .
as in , i was outside the classroom , drinking bubble tea .
then joan drink finish 1st , and go in 1st .
and she was like , 'you still drinking rights ? wont come in so fast rights ? i close the door 1st .'
and she slammed it !
shit her !
she sucks okay !
HATEHERHATEHERHATEHER .
and i love all the rest .
erms . no .
i still hate some .
ilovecanberraprimary .
i miss it so dearly .
i missed all the HAPPY times we had in there .
i miss all my friends .
><
god , please turn the clock back to 2006 , october 30th .
i really loved that time .
CANBERRAPRIMARY !
WHY DID YOU MAKE IT FOUR DAYS ONLY !
MAKE IT ONE MONTH MAHHS .
that way , we will remember each other for life .
ilove everything there .
the peeps , the food (erms . okayyyy) and the games !
and i remembered i pleaded xinyi to go the horror walk with me .
then its like so scary .
and she was right in front .
i was right behind .
we went in in a group .
in the end , when she came out , she cried .
><
i also scared .
holding jacqueline's hand like i'm despo for life liddat .
LOLS .
i mean like , i didnt scream .
but i ran .
=DD
really missed those times .

awwwws .
iloveyou !
the whole bunch of you !
the whole bunch who gave me advice in times which i really need it !
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou !
i've got my mood back .
wanna apologise to the 1/8'o7-ians though .
i treated them badly today (especially joan)
its like , i was very very very fucked up .
and worried about what would happen .
erms . so its like , A BIG BIG SORRY TO YOU ALL .
=xx
and to ,
ms george (she gave me the MOST advice)
joan (adviced me the WHOLE of today)
lester (he told me a nice chinese phrase which comforted me alot)
amanda (she did , even though she was so worried for her maths)
xueying (she told me to stop crying)
yunting (she adviced me in tagboard , although she had alot of undone works)
francis (for wishing me to feel better soon)
keatiphol (that day we chat until so happy . cant forget it . everytime remember it will be so happy)
rina (for asking your friend what i should do and giving your own advice to me)
angela (for like , comforting me , ABIT)
jacinta (for like , comfortng me . telling me to break with him)
esther AUNTY =DD (for telling me to ditch him)
&&
everyone else who sort of helped but i didnt put your name down .
=DD
THANKS ALOT .
this was really a very hard time for me .
i've cried till my tears dried .
i bit myself . (although i didnt know i tasted that good , JKS !)
i screamed at everyone who pissed me over the slightest matters .
i'm so glad i have friends like you all who took some time off to comfort me .
and advice me .
yesyesyes .
i love you all .
really .
ILOVEYOU ALL .
=DD
thanks for caring about me .
i thought no one cared .
now , i realised so many peoples do .
and ilovethem .
they're the ones who kept me going thru this hard time .
i promise i'll love you all alot alot alot .
=))
muacks !

bleahs .
i said i'll be happy 24/7 rights ?
i realised i cant be 24/7 happy in blogs .
yesterday rights .
i told jiwei that i wanted to break .
then he wanted to suicide !
he told me to call him at 5 in the morning and hear his last words or something .
then he said i would regret breaking with him .
he said he would come and find me after dying .
that turned on my waterworks .
and i cried and cried .
i pleaded him not to suicide .
then in the end , i patched with him .
the reason i broke with him was cuz he was giving me too much stress .
now , i patched with him .
but i'm not happy .
i've asked some peeps what should i do .
rina said to break with him and ask my mom to bring me to a temple the next day to get some amulets .
rina's friend said to break with him cuz he dont mean why he say . he's just threatening .
then , i'll type me and ms george's conversation here .
me : ms george , are you asleep ?
her : hi , i was asleep when you msg . whats up ?
me : wanted to ask you for some advice . need it urgently . but if you ait free , its okk .
her : whats up ?
me : erms . there was this guy whom i really liked . i known him thru my friend . he was my friend stead . and when they broke , i begun to sms that guy to comfort him . as days passed , i found that i liked him more and more . but the problem is , he gives me alot of stress . in the12to19 days we known each other , i cried 7 times over him . i suggested a break yesterday . and he told me he'd commit suicide . and that i'll regret breaking with me cuz he'll haunt me . i have to patch with him so that he wont suicide . but i am not happy . i dont want to continue this relationship anymores but i dont want him to commit suicide because of me and his ex . what should i do ? =(( sorry to bother you .
her : how did he tell you he'll commit suicide ? SMS or teleconversation ?
me : msn . he sounded very sad and serious .
her : call me now if you are free .
me : can dont call ? my mom and sisterare here and i dont want them to hear . please .
her : ok no problem . firstly , a person who says he's gonna suicide will not do so . if a person wants to end life , he wont want to advertise it . he's telling you cuz he is selfish and wants you even if you are not happy . thats not love . walk out before things get more draggy . you made the right decision by breaking with him . dont turn back .
me : but when i broke with him last night , he told me to call him at 5am the next day to hear him say his last words or someting . i think he is serious ..
her : besides , you maybe a rebound for him . if he genuinely liked you , he would have gone on before . he's using you as a filler to fill in the emptiness after a breakup . be smart .
me : but what if he really suicide when i break with him ?
her : if he does commit suicide , you are not to blamed . he's coward . instead of getting his life sorted , he want suicide . such a man wont support you . he'll run at the sight of trouble .
me : but he say he will haunt me . i dont want to see him at night following me ! =\
her : he's blackmailing you . emotional blackmail . dont fall for it . if you show him it doesnt affect you , he'll back off . ignore him totally . change number if you have to .
me : but should i tell my mom ? dont want her to know .
her : yes tell your mom .
me : but i'm afraid of her reaction . she may slap me and chase me out of the house .
her : call me when you can . i need to assess the way he responded to you .
me : o.o i dont get you . the way he respond when i tell him i wanna break later ?
her : ya .
me : erms . i'll call or sms you when he replies .
her : k
me : thanks for your advice . =))
THEN NOW I HOW ?
i really dont want him to suicide .
i mean like , i dont want to have a guilty concience for the rest of my life .
how ?
peeps , if you are reading this , can you be kind and give me some suggestions either in msn or tagboard ?
take it as i'm begging you .
i'm despo for some advice .
i cant hold on much longer .
sooner or later i will break down .
please .

do you ALL even care about me ?
do you ALL even try to put yourselves in my shoes for once ?
do you ALL even try to see how i feel for once ?
why do you all only care about yourselves ?
why cant you just hear my sad voice and comfort me for once ?
i'm not always 100% happy whats .
but i'm not always 100% sad .
when i'm happy , you all come to me .
when i'm sad , no one is in sight .
i believe the saying ,
'when the whole world walks out on you , a friend walks in .'
but , there is no friend walking in .
everyone still very wrapped up in their own lives .
they dont care .
they just talk about themselves .
you all let me confine in myself for 8 years alreadys .
can someone just lend me a shoulder to cry on ?
take it as i'm begging you .
i'm despo for some care and concern .
why dont you all try being me for once ?
you all dont make a effort to understand how i feel .
i wonder why i make such a effort to understand you all .
comfort you all when you all are sad .
make you all happy .
yeah , i wonder why .
i shouldnt be doing all this at all .
i should be the one being cheered up .
not the one cheering up others .
i'm the one who needs help .
i have a idiot irritating the hell out of me (jiwei) .
and no one online to comfort me .
the one on the phone with me talking about a guy and campus superstar .
so , no one actually bothers rights ?
ever since my sister was born ,
i didnt really show my true feelings .
13-8=5years old .
taadaaa .
i'm a pro .
=))
12.06am alreadys .
from today on ,
happiness is my middle name .
either forced or real .
up to you if you can see .
=DD
gudnyts peeps !
have a nice day ~

just fought with him .
cried 7 times alreadys .
its like , sometimes i really hate his attitude towards me .
nvms .
might as well we break .
i dont want to cry so many times over a guy .
it will be my 1st and last time .
i dont want my day to be ruined because of a guy .
i dont want my eyes to be swollen because of a guy .
i dont want my mood swings change because of a guy .
now , i'll be happy 24/7 .
even if i'm not .
i will force myself to be .
i will forget him , yes i will .
i wont remember him .
i wont remember the bastard that made me cry so many times for him .
no , i wont .
i will forget him .
yesyesyes .
i will .
and i must .
thats the secret to making everyone happy .
i'll be the "happy-go-lucky" one again .
i wont show what i really feel .
yesyes .
i wont .
i'll be happy and happy .
no more other feelings than happy .
no sad no nothing .
just happy .
- 我已经毫无磁带你们对我的态度会有所改变 -

ohhs !
i realised i DID post yesterday .
when i thought i didnt .
=.=
kkays .
i'm not going to start crapping .
today sucked .
thinking about quitting band yesterday .
think and think and watched tv until like 1.30am .
then i went to sleep , 6.10 wake up .
and i reached the mrt after joan .
=.=
didnt really feel like talking today .
no mood i guess .
tired .
then it was like ,
i planned not to talk more then 10 sentences with each person .
in the end , yeah , you guessed it .
i've failed .
bleahs .
cant control my mouth .
it loves to talk .
feel like going to sleep now .
but dont have habit of sleeping in the afternoons .
by the way , today in band , drills was quite fun .
=DD
and the playing instrument part sucks .
cuz i no breath alreadys .
then when i play , was forcing the air .
luckily i sounded okk .
but my head hurt .
><
anyways .
shant bother about it .
after a while it will be gone .
and hors .
i broke a rule of the band .
shhhhs .
i'm sick .
slight cough .
flu .
and i used the instrument today .
then hors .
i sharing with SL mahhs .
then i havent wash the mouthpiece or sterilise it yet ,
then the SL take the instrument from me and use .
bleahs .
she sick lorx .
><
i mean .
she will be sick .
=DD
NOW I'M JUST SO BOREDD .
and i keep thinking of the time he said i was chio .
cant forget that day .
ahhhhhs .
by the ways ,
the 'he' is not my boyfriend .

today aint a good day .
me and my mom went out shopping .
and my sister had to tag along !
bleahs .
brat .
wanna ask what happened then ask in msn .
then , i wanna quit band .
i have back probs .
and i have a medical cert to prove it .
done .

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
101 x 11 = 1111 iloveyou .
wow . that was tiring .
bleahs .
its to everyone who loves me .
although i know no one does .
><
i just like to think that someone out there loves me for who i am .
=DD
my hand's tired .
and ilovehim .
#16o3'o7 12.38AM .
we've known each other for 14 days .

ihatethem .
all my secondary school friends .
i mean like ,
they are egotistical brats so wrapped up in their own silly lives to give a darn about others .
its like , i ask them , 'what homework have you all finished ?'
cuz i wanted to ask them the maths .
then they were suddenly talking about art .
then i ask again .
then they didnt bother , as expected .
they just like , arghs !
nvms .
next time dont ask alreadys .
i'll do my homework MYSELF .
ask for abit of help also not willing .
SHIT YOU ALL !
i hate you all .
1/8 'o7 .
filled of egotistical brats .

i realised alot of things lately .
1. i've been posting so much until my posts are at 162 now .
2. i've been bored and grumpy lately .
3. I HAVE SWEET FRIENDS WHO CARE ABOUT ME . like amanda and xueying . awwws .
they're just so sweet you know ?
they made me happy again .
=DD
ilovethem .
YESYESYES .
i do i do .
=DD
got alot of homework sia .
heng today left maths only .
bleahs .
i'm going to finish it and go out tomorrow .
=P

guys are so weird .
i dont understand them .
at 19.45 , 13 march 2007
he said ,
'Then. Nevermind le. I think you like lindi de. I dont trust. Why must take full pic of myself then can meet. Since you so choosy then you go find another handsome guy ba. Bye'
then he called me at 01.09am, 14 march 2007
and asked me what i was doing .
then i was like , 'one minute you told me to find another guy and now you asking me what i doing ?'
then he was like , 'cannot mehhs ?'
then i said , 'of cuz cannot larhhs .'
then i hung up .
i was mad , of cuz .
he made me shed tears for him .
and its like , the fourth time alreadys .
then its like , i feel as though i'm his dog .
he angry i must apologise .
he not happy i must cheer him up .
its like , sometimes he angry also have nothing to do with me .
for all you peeps out there also !
but i dont feel like a dog to you all .
i feel like a clown !
then now he's asking me to call him , like nothing has happened .
can all of you once think of me ?
inside of being so fuckingly wrapped up in your own silly lives ?
can you once try to put yourself in my shoes ?
haiis .
why you all are such egotistical peeps ?
when i care for you all , you all dont appreciate it .
when i dont care , you all grumble .
then what you all want me to do ?
i care , i'm considered irritating .
i dont care , i'm considered boring .
i'm not going to call him .
so what if he is high .
this is the 5th time you made me cry ever since i met you .
its like , we know each other for 12 days ONLY .
and you already made me cry 5 times for YOU .
you are a pro .
i'm going to keep telling you gudnyts .
i dont care le .
you made me down when i was shopping .
when i was happily shopping !
you made me sad .
i was supposed to be happy .
and you just destroyed it by saying that sms .
thanks alot .
you made me flare up at a whole lot of friends for nothing .
you made me cry and lose friends .
i wont say i'm pissed with you ,
cuz i aint .
i'm just disappointed with you .
you ruined my life .
totally .

ok .
i take back what i've said .
pretend i didnt say anything .
today went to lot one .
bought a shirt that looked so nice .
ON ME .
=DD
yeahyeahyeah .
i know .
i'm fat and ugly .
i'm a disgrace to singapore .
disgrace to society .
bleahs .
i suck , can ?
I PRACTICALLY SUCK .
CAN ?!?
i fat larhhs .
i fat fat fat fat fat fat fat .
i'm fat until cannot fat anymores can ?
i'm the fat-est in this world can ?
i'm fatter then this world can ?
i'm fat like shit can ?
bleahs .
cuz i'm ugly and fat , then you wanna stop being friends with me rights ?
its not cuz i asked you to take a full length photo of yourself rights ?
you said i was lindi .
i mean like , although lindi's my friend ,
we have like , nothing in common .
ask me to find another guy .
YOU THINK ITS SO BLOODY EASY ARHHS ?
i finally found a guy that i liked .
and he just had to be so petty .
guys are just shit .
they just suck .
bleahs .

i hate that fucking butch !
who the hell does she think she is ?
keep hanging up on me .
i had enough .
she hanged up on me whenever she is angry with me or some other peeps since last year .
today i had enough .
i'm not her dog .
i dont need to call her back whenever she hangs up on me .
i dont wanna do it anymores .
my patience has reached the limit .
today i woke up at 2pm .
she told me to meet at canberra at 3pm to go shopping .
i rushed .
bathed , ate breakfast , wear nicely , went to canberra .
when i reached , she aint there .
she is always late .
that time my patience was already reaching the limit .
then after that ,
we were on the phone .
then she called another friend ,
accidentally hanged up on me .
that i didnt mind .
i waited for her to call back .
then after that , she got angry with a friend ,
and hanged up on me .
THATS IT !
MY PATIENCE HAS REACHED THE LIMIT !
IT AINT THE 1ST TIME SHE HANGED UP ON ME !
SO MANY TIMES ALREADYS !
NOT JUST TODAY .
ALMOST EVERYTIME WHEN WE TALK ON THE PHONE !
wths .
fucking butch .
i aint her dog .
dont have to listen to her .
fucking chee bye .
hate her .
wont ever forgive her .
WAIT LONG BEFORE I FORGIVE HER !
maybe when i die also wont forgive her .

ohh yeah .
i think , about 2 nights ago .
or last night .
bleahs .
helped amanda with her compo .
i chose the title 'disappointment'
i paste the compo here .
=DD

We fought. Me and my boyfriend, we were talking on the phone, whispering sweet nothings to each other. All of a sudden, my guy friend beside me talked to me and my boyfriend suspected I was having another relationship.He accused me of betraying him and hanged up. On that same day, I fell sick, having flu, cough and a slight fever. I was depressed.

I walked to the canteen, alone and dejected along the empty corridors. ‘I’m already so terribly sick, and I’ve just fought with my boyfriend. Would my day get any worse?’ I thought to myself. Just as I was about to reach the canteen, Mr Ahmad, the discipline master stopped me. I looked up at him wearily and asked, ‘Yes Mr Ahmad?’ He looked at me straight in the eye and said, ‘Give me your name and class, I’m going to book you for detention.’ I was shocked! ‘But…But...Why? ‘ I stammered. He did not utter a word, instead he just pointed down at my half tucked in shirt. I looked and gasped. I did not know that it came out while I was walking.

I told him my name and class in a frustrated sort of way. He told me to report for detention at 2pm at the detention room today. He gave me a sign, which I was supposed to hang around my neck, saying, ‘DETENTION’. I wore it, and walked around the canteen, avoiding all the curious and sneering glances of my fellow schoolmates. I bought a bowl of noodles, sat down at a table and stared blankly into the space. Tears started to flow down from my eyes, to my cheeks, to the bowl of noodles. I felt as though the world is crashing down on me.

‘Ring… Ring…’ went the recess bell. Recess was over. I dragged my feet all the way back to class, wiping away all my tears on the way. I do not want my friends to see my crying as I am scared they will mock me. I sniffed, and went into the classroom. Everyone was staring at me, thinking, ‘Amanda, the goody-two-shoes of class1e6, was booked for detention?’ Everyone was shocked and at a loss for words. Even Elena, my so called best friend ,left me alone as she thought I would burst into tears. I didn’t speak a single word, from recess all the way to the end of school.

When the school bell rang for the end of school, I packed my bag and prepared to leave the classroom. That time, Elena tapped my shoulder and said, ‘Amanda, would you stop being so sad? Its just detention, no big deal.You don’t have to make a mountain out of a molehill.’ I was surprised. Elena, my primary school best friend, instead of comforting me when I’m down and out, scolded me for being sad. I reminded her that I have band practice which I was supposed to go after detention, which by then, I would already have missed 2 hours of band practice. Instead of saying something nice to me, she just turned around and hopped up the stairs to the band room.

I started to make my way to detention. I trudged dejectedly across the hallway to the dreaded detention room. When I went in, it was chaos inside. Students throwing paper aeroplanes and talking like the aunties at the market, ignoring the poor teacher in front shouting at them to keep quiet. I quietly took a seat and awaited the teacher’s instruction. He told me to copy all the rules of the student handbook in one hour and forty-five minutes time. I took out a pen and quickly copied down all the rules. As I copied, I heard rude remarks about me. I turned a deaf ear to all the nonsense and concentrated fully on finishing my task on time.

One hour and forty-five minutes have passed and I have completed my task. I felt very tired and did not feel like going to band practice. But, I knew I couldn’t let my day become worse than it already is. I forced my legs to climb four floors up to the band room. I knocked on the door and went it. Everyone stared at me with curious and inquisitive eyes. Everyone wanted to know why I was so late. I avoided all their stares and begun to assemble my instrument. When I began to play, I couldn’t catch up as I came too late for the practice.

On the spot, there and then, I placed my instrument on my chair, took my bag and left the room, crying. This was the worst day of my life! I practically didn’t do anything right. I went home with swollen eyes and a red nose. My mother and father was home already. I greeted them but they ignored me. So, I just put my bag in my room and proceeded to have a good bath and forget all about today. But as I finished bathing and stepped out of the toilet, my mom was chiding me for not putting my shoes on the shoe rack. I threw a tantrum and my father scolded me.

I decided to ignore them. I turned on my computer to log in to a chatroom. My best friend was online then, and when I was online, she talked to me and said she was mad at me for being such a sad person. That time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried. I had such a bad day, I fought with my beloved, my best friend scolded me for being sad, I was booked for detention, rude remarks was thrown at me, I did not catch up with the others in the band room, my mother chided me for not putting my shoes on the shoe rack and when I threw a tantrum, my father scolded me.

I lay down on my bed, face on my pillow. I sobbed uncontrollably. My family heard me, but they didn’t bother to comfort me. I cried for hours and hours. No one came in to comfort me. Instead, everyone just continued what they were doing.

That was a day of disappointment.
I thought there was such thing as kindness in this world, where actually, there isn’t.
I saw the ugly side of human nature today.
I found out that most people in this world are egotistical, meaning self-centered.
I was disappointed to have found that out.
It was the most disappointing and sad day of my 13 year old life.


bleahs ! touching rights ?
feel touched and remember me ~
lalalas ~
although some parts are fake , some peeps said that the compo was not bad .
=DDD
i love myself .

bleahs .
just scolded a moron for nothing .
=))
its like ,
i was having a dumb pic of me as a display pic .
then this melvin guy was asking me if that was my pic .
then i was like , 'yeah .'
then 5 mins later , i screamed .
i said ,
'YEAH I KNOW . I'M LIKE SHIT !'
'DONT NEED YOU TO EMPHASIZE FURTHER !'
'i had enough of you morons choosing my friend over me !'
boy , was i pissed or whats ?
LOLS .
even though he said like , nothing !
LOLS .
i aint goanna apologise .
bleahs .
not worth apologising to guys .
sometimes , i wonder why are there guys in this world .
they only cause us girls MISERY .
bleahs .
i rather apologise to a girl .
i rather love a girl then a guy .
bleahs .
but i wont be a lesbian .
i know i wont .
i know i love only guys .
=))
i'm boredd .
just now he called me .
i dont wanna answer .
i dont know how to ans him when he is horny .
i dont know how to finger fuck !
i mean , i know how , but i dont do it !
awwws .
i feel mean at lying to him .
><
bleahs .

OMGS .
I'M OVER-REACTING !
THIS IS MY 5TH POST OF THE DAY !
ohh my .
its like , i didnt know i had so much things to write .
LOLS .
about him .
just now he like , talk horny with me .
then i dont know how to reply .
then that time i was with jacinta .
wths larhhs .
and i bought her her birthday present in advance .
she requested it .
bleahs .
i'm tired .
><

i'm hurt .
again and again .
you made me feel happy . and now you made me cry again .
WHY ?
why must you make me cry and cry ?
its already the third time in 2 days !
dont you know , whenever we fight , i feel terrible ?
i feel like dying ?
i feel like sleeping and not ever waking up again !
WHY MUST YOU MAKE MY FEELINGS LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER ?
crying , laughing , crying .
what do you take me as ?
i aint something which you can take , ditch then take again !
i'm a human !
i have feelings !
i can cry , laugh , kick and hit .
i can be unhappy too !
i aint always the happy fella !
there are times when i'm angry or sad too !
its just that i dont show it to you idiots !
i pretend to be happy happy happy .
to make you morons happy !
in the end , what did i get ?
I GOT 89 GUYS TELLING ME MY FRIENDS LOOK NICER THEN ME .
I'M ALWAYS HAVING PEOPLE GETTING PISSED OFF BY ME .
ihateyouformakingmecry .
and making my life more miserable then it already is .

why .
why must you make me cry time and time again just for you ?
i liked you ever since i went your blog .
its only that you dont know .
i didnt tell you .
i knew if i told you , you will mock me .
you made my feelings become like a rollercoaster .
you made me cry one minute , make me touched another minute , make me happy another minute .
it just amazes me how you can do this .
its already the second time i'm crying for you .
this time , its all about you .
no more about other probs too .
its all just you , you and you .
although you said my friend looked nicer then me ,
i dont mind .
i'll forgive you for scolding me just now .

-with a tear-stained face , smiling up at you , trying to make you smile too-

he's online now .
he told me he was not at home for 3 days .
thats why didnt reply my smses .
to think , i thought he was angry at me .
and i cried so much .
but of cuz i didnt cry just because i thought he was angry .
still got others .
its like , i've been holding in the tears of two weeks .
so last night i let it all out .
it felt good .
=))
today going AMK hub for shopping .
i've having a good mood alreadys !
=DD

i just fought with him two days ago .
i flared up at him just because he said 'ok bye' to me .
i flared up at him because of a sentence he said , 'i realised ugly people are more faithful while pretty ones are more flirt .'
hearing that , i was seriously hurt .
it was worse than 88 guys telling me my friends look nicer then me .
i was having fever , cough and flu that day .
friday , 9th march 2007 .
now , i just feel terrible inside .
i dont want us to lose our friendship just because of this .
we were so close to becoming a couple .
it was fun messaging him .
i awaited his sms daily patiently .
i'll sms him until either he or me was really very tired before stopping .
with him , the days were short and fun .
my life was vibrant and filled with colours .
now , he's mad at me .
i sms-ed him and he wouldnt reply .
i smsed him yesterday and the day before .
he didnt reply .
now , life is bleak and grey .
i've lost the word 'happiness' .
now , i'm crying and i dont know what to do with my life .
should i continue and treat it as if nothing had happened ?
or should i just continue to sms him until he replies me ?
i really liked him .
i didnt like a guy as much as him .
how i wish i didnt flare up at him .
how i wish someone in this world would appreciate me for who i am .
not just because i'm always happy and joking .
now , i need someone to comfort me .
and everyone is either sleeping , busy or wrapped up in their own silly lives to bother .
there are other probs also .
just dont wanna post them here .
its like , all my fault .
leave me alone bahhs .

-tears are falling down my cheeks like a waterfall on a rainy day-

AHHHHHS !
FINALLY !
blogger took a damned long time to load .
had to refresh like , twice .
today i was really into pink and white .
LOLS .
and for lunch , went to some place ,
to eat the sushi .
99cents per plate .
LOLS .
then was like , the place was so nice !
you all like , MUST go .
if you all dont go , its like , a regret sia .
i mean like , its like sakae sushi , just cheaper .
=DDD
tomorrow i'm heading off to AMK hub for some shoppinggg .
wish me have fun !
=DD

i've changed my blog song .

i'm very tired .
actually , i took naps today !
as in , i slept !
usually , no matter how tired i am , i will not sleep in afternoons .
MUAHAHAS .
but today ?
i slept like 3 times .
=DD
i still tired now .
LOLS .
just now went the IT show at suntec city .
HUMAN JAM sia .
i'm tired now .
ohh yeah .
and my father is biased .
worse then mr tan .
ask me why in msn .
not here .
lazy to type .

today went back canberra .

was wearing like that .

went there at 8.20 like that .

then was like , boredd .

cuz hardly anyone was there .

i mean like , got peeps .

but dont chat with them much .

see ?

yunting took a pic of me looking at her hp and being boredd .

she said it was "natural" . =xx

everyone there like , changed .

but some were just the same old them .

=))

yupps . missed that big old school .

it changed a whole lot .

like , in a good way .

the choir room is like a theater .

=))

but the piano's gone .

=

then there was like ,

aiyas .

i dont know how to say .

all i can say is that , the school looks great now .

and i missed all my friends .

feel blessed to be able to see ALL of them for the 1st and last time today .

met the peeps whom i so called "hated" .

now , i laugh at myself for being so childish .

i mean like ,

whats there to hate ?

we've all alreadys left the school .

=))

and , i'm one of the school's alumi .

=DD

alot of peeps are .

so its like ,

we can come back to the school to help out ,

without seeking the guards approval .

and dont need to be wary of that mr malai .
hahas .

heng he not there today .

if not he will spoil my mood .

today , was like , abit quiet from my usual self .

its like , i feel terrible inside .

drowsy and terribly sick .

and i think i passed it to rina .

its like ,

yesterday we go KFC .

then she not enough money ,

so i lend her $6+ .

then today .

in school , i told her she still owes me $6 .

then she took $4 out and said , 'give you $4 1st .'

then she was like , throw it on my skirt larhhs .

wths .

cheebye kia .

i not beggar larhhs .

no need throw at me .

assholey fella .

if i can , i would throw a pie in your face .

no , i wont do that .

waste of the pie .

i should eat the pie 1st .

and then vomit it onto her face .

nonono .

i should just take shit and squash it onto her face .

make sure it goes inside her nose and mouth .

and make sure she swallows it .

MUAHAHAS .

yes yes yes . i'm evil .

i most evil when i'm sick .

cuz i will have no mood .

and i will start scolding peeps WHOM OFFENED ME .

=DD

muahahas .

i'm evil aint i ?

i just love myself .

there's no other felicia who is like me .

this song , its just so sad .

jay chou wrote it for jolin .

she cried once while singing this song .

yupps .

i listened to it and cried a few times le .

i know i know .

its an old song .

yupps .

i listened to it a few years back and now .

feel sad over it .

its a nice song .

so .

APPRECIATE IT .

=))

i'm pissed .
damned bloody pissed .
with that rina chua .
is like .
i'm supposed to go with her tomorrow .
then her friend called her .
then she meeting her friend .
so i go and ask amanda and yunting .
then we meeting tomorrow .
then just now rina called me .
then she ask me cancel with them to go with her ,
cuz her friend dont know need to do what bloody thing .
then i was like , pissed larhhs .
they both dont know her ,
and then i was like , 'so if we three ignore you dont blame us . not our business .'
then she was like , 'then i call her larhhs .'
and she hanged up .
wths .
ask her go suck her mother's ass larhhs .
i'm pissed with her .
this time , i may not be friends with her anymores .
i rather not .
hmpts .

just now went to This Fashion with rina .
then was like ,
i bought this skirt that i was eyeing for MONTHS !
its like $25 .
plus 30% discount = $17.50
so was quite okk .
then i bought it home ,
then my mom was like , 'too short'
my dad also .
then i was like , 'aiyos . okk larhhs . inside got pants mahhs .'
haiis .
LOLS
but i'm still happy i bought that skirt .
=DD

oh no ,
i caught a bad case of the sneezes .
ahhhh-chuuuu .
omgs .
i'm like , sick .
which i dont want to be .
today sports day .
LOUSY LARHHS .
like shit like that .
zzz
but its better then 2 days detention .
=DD
then now i have a braggar bragging about her house .
zzz .
so whats ?
not my business whats .
its like , thats all she knows how to say !
like , I WAS THERE !
I SAW BLOODY THING THAT HAPPENED !
I SAT THERE FOR 3 HOURS STRAIGHT .
so what if you didnt win any medals or trophys ?
you dont have to brag about your house .
then keep saying and saying .
i tell you .
if tonight i go online ,
and you brag again ,
i will flare up .
O.o
i think i got fever .
feeling abit coldd .

whats happening to me ?
why am i so short-tempered this few days ?
why am i always flaring up or crying ?
its like , i also dont know .
all my feelings are jumbed up .
i dont want to feel like this .
i dont want at all .
i dont want to keep fighting with others .
i cant control it .
its like , i feel like flaring up all of a sudden ,
and feel like crying the next .
whats happening ..
is the changes too much for me to bear ?
is that why ?
or is it because of pms ..
i dont know i dont bloody know !
someone help me please ..

today sucks .
the home econ thingy .
everyone hand up their ws to jia ying .
she dont want to give to mr soo .
SHIT HER RIGHTS ?
how i wish i can use the cooked food and throw at her .
smash it into that bloody ugly face of hers !
flirtatious egotistical fella .
ask her go to hell .
so if we dont get the marks , we blame her .
=DD
too bad i remembered to smash the food into her face when we almost out of the school .
if not i will .
YES I WILL .
i'm so pissed .

lalalalas .
yes , i've done my work .
now left science , which is due on thurs .
=DD
YES YES YES .
I'M PRO .
THANK YOU .
=DD

wths .
today so rush .
after school my group discuss the dance thingy .
then now ,
i have to eat instant noodles while doing typing the eng thing .
then still got the dance project , need to find infomation .
then still got home econs . due tomorrow .
ARGHHHHHHHHHHS .
somemore the instant noodles is my lunch and dinner .
=xx
rush rush rush .

today was ACTUALLY a happy day .
my mom brought me and my sis to causeway point and we shopped .
like , i bought .
a OP skirt , a morethanwords shirt , a morethenwords pen , a horoscope doggy , a minitoon voodoo , minitoons sweet .
LOLS .
it aint much things larhhs .
my mother bought a CONVERSE shoe for herself sia .
so nice .
=
then not much things for my sis .
><
then hors .
we at the OP shop larhhs .
then my mother handed me two skirts , sized M and L .
then ask me go and try .
when i inside the changing room rights ,
i wear the L de 1st .
then it was like ,
i dont even have to take out the button and zip and can just wear it like that !
then i tried M .
then also loose , but wont drop .
=))
then i was looking at the mirror and smiling .
thinking , 'felicia , you aint that fat after all .'
LOLS .
kkays , i'm weird .
thanks .
=DD
then was like , my dad fetched us from there to my grandmother's house .
then eat dinner , chat chat chat .
then here comes the unhappy part .
we on the way home .
then my dad suddenly say , 'girl , do you hear a knocking sound ?'
then usually my relatives and family all this call me by 'girl' .
so i say , 'huh ?' twice cuz i cant hear and 'no arhhs . i can only hear myself eating the sweets .'
then he growled , 'not talking to you larhhs . taking to mei .'
mei is what my relatives and family all this call my sister de .
then i was like , 'YOU CALL GIRL WHATS . EVERYONE CALLS ME BY GIRL WHATS . call also call properly larhhs .'
WTHS WHATS .
HE SAID 'GIRL' WHATS .
EVERYTIME DE LEHHS !
CALL MY SIS 'GIRL'
WTHS LARHHS .
then i showed a black face when i looked out of the window .
sorry to all the peeps i've scared .
then hors .
when we reached home , my mother ask , why i so quiet .
then i purposely say loudly ,
'I DONT WANT TO TALK MAHHS . LATER ANS WRONG THING AGAIN !'
i wont talk to him anymores .
yeah , i wont .
last time he said i dont talk alot to him rights ? (when i did)
so now , I AINT EVEN GOING TO TALK TO HIM .
i hope this doesnt affect tomorrow .
=xx
and this isnt the 1st time he GROWLED at me for saying , 'huh' today .
he scolded me a few times alreadys .
shit him .
hmpts !
assholey fella .

lalalalas ~
i'm boredd today .
like , in the morning went to band drills .
etcs etcs .
then went home .
BLAHS .
then went on a journey to find a coffee table and TV console .
YES .
WE FINALLY FOUND IT .
AT 5PM++
=))
erms .
dont know why .
today ,
whole day .
i felt hungry .
but then i kept , like , burping .
SOFT DE !
then dont you find its weird ?
o.o
i'm turning to a complete freak .
some kind fella help me pls .
=))

i lost track of myself alreadys .
today , i made alot of mistakes .
like , i was talking to my dad .
something on days of the week .
then i said , 'mon , wed , tues , thurs , fri .'
then when me and my dad go and buy my band glove .
i was holding on to the left glove ,
and i was using my left hand ,
and keep saying , 'right , RIGHT HAND .'
am i mad or something ?
left hand become right hand .
i keep wondering why ,
why 32 guys told me that she look nicer than me ?
hmms .
in what way aint i comparable to her ?
is she much cuter , prettier and matured ?
yeah ,
i guess so .
if you wanna think of a 90year old ahma without teeth like that .
=P

i also dont know what got over me today .
i was in a not very good mood .
aint that happy today .
didnt want to do anything , but sleep .
sleep the whole day long .
i cant really remember what happened today .
i only remember .
i didnt do literature homework .
then i copy from pei jun .
then after school i apologise to joan .
cuz i flared up at her or something .
o.o
then i dont know what else happened in school alreadys .
then i was super hungry .
so i wanted to go home asap .
then when i reached 8 floor ,
i searched my whole bag .
i didnt bring key sia .
wths .
then i called my mom who called my grandmother .
LOLS
so ps sia .
then i reached home ,
straight away call mac delivery .
=DD
and i'm so full now .
LOLS
tomorrow got band ~
half of me dont feel like going .
i'm so tired that i can sleep now .
ohh yeah .
my eng teacher told us something .
she said something about being proud to be one of deyi's teachers because
we have a vice principal who talks so much sense .
the vice principal said , 'although this is the year of the pig , it doesnt mean we have to act like one .'
or something like that .
lols !
i laughed , i think .
LOLS .
i lost track of what i did today .
i think also got a test .
chinese de .
is it ?
o.o
YEAH , CHINESE . so called writing letter thing .
then i was like ,
'I DONT KNOW THE FORMAT !'
then halfway thru the so called "exam" .
cuz we no need to put our bags outside or something .
then hors .
under my table is my chinese file .
inside the file is the format .
cuz the teacher said , if the format is wrong , everything is wrong .
then i dont want kana 0 also .
so i took out the file slowly
and took a few peeps .
=DD
i took it out a few times .
the teacher dont even know .
=))
then when going back .
saw lindi at the mrt station .
amanda , yunting and their friend at the ..
macdonal outside .
=
quite long didnt see them liaox .
nvms .
10th march going back .
will see everyone whom i didnt see for a long time alreadys .
muahahas .
its like ,
so many peeps are using it now .
like , from deyi .
some use muhaha .
some use muahahas .
aiyos .
its my word lehhs .
=xx
'imagine me without you' by nancy hernandez is super nice .
wanted to send it to joan ,
but i send to her , she set to busy .
nvms .
i send it so others .
=))
the song is really very nice .
love song .
sad love song .
=DDD